Aaah remember those teenage years, when you could eat whatever you wanted and not worry about checking calories or putting on weight? (Disclaimer: I know that it wasn't like this for all of us and I don't intend to offend or upset anyone. This was just my personal
experience). I would regularly have a dinner - or tea/supper/whatever you call it - at my sister's house and then go home and eat whatever food my Mom had prepared. I'd eat chocolate, crisps, take-aways, sweets - you name it. And I never gained a pound. I'd played a lot of sport at secondary school, but after that, I rarely did any form of physical exercise other than to run for the bus to college; yet still, I was able to eat whatever I wanted, when I wasted. And in copius amounts. I can't say I was 'happy' with my body because to be honest, I never gave it a second thought. My weight had never been an issue so it wasn't a priority.
Fast forward 20-something years and two children later and I'm at least double the weight of the teenage me. I can't blame child-bearing as I barely put on any weight during either of my pregnancies, and any pounds I did add were lost pretty quickly. It wasn't until I reached about 36 that I noticed I had gained a few extra stones. I took up running and I joined Slimming World, but I didn't lose anything. I tried Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Keto, intermittent fasting, the Cambridge; I joined the gym and took classes but no matter what I did, this weight was as stubborn as I am and clearly had no intention of going anywhere.
Now, I know it's what's inside that matters and I know I shouldn't let my weight define me or dictate my life, but let's be honest - we all just want to feel good about ourselves, don't we? I don't want to become fixated on numbers - counting calories and checking lost or gained pounds - I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin and in the clothes I wear, which I haven't for a long time. I know I can't get my old body back - I'm 40 and I'm not trying to look like I'm 20. But clearly, my metabolism isn't what it used to be, and I need a little help.
SO... I had a consultation last week. Being a short-arse, my BMI is 36 and being mixed-race with a family history of diabetes, my weight is more than just an exterior issue. When I thought about it, I realised I've been out of breath a lot lately as well. The GP suggested a few options, one of which was trying weight-loss medication. I was offered either tablets or an injection, which is a bit like an epi-pen, and after going home and doing some research (the good old Doctor Google), I decided to go for the tablets.
But is it cheating?
I can't help but feel like I'm cheating. Like I haven't done enough or worked out enough or starved myself enough to be deserving of a body that I don't hate whenever I look in the mirror. Am I cheating? If my hormones and other bodily functions aren't as they used to be, should I feel guilty for taking some help? If there's something out there that I can have that could possibly give me a sprinkle of confidence, surely I should take it? I've checked the side effects, some of which sound horrendous (oily diarrhroea being my favourite!) but they're nowhere near as scary as the side effects of staying as I am, which include heart disease and increased risk of stroke. So is it cheating?
I'll let you know how it goes.
Danielle x
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