I’d thought about this post way before I started writing it and felt like I knew what I was going to say. I was wrong.
My hair has been a massive feature in my life - and not only because it’s literally massive 🤣🤦🏽♀️ - being mixed race gives you a unique, hybrid kind of hair that I’d always found difficult to manage and I’d struggled endlessly to find a hairdresser who understood (that’s a post for another day). So I was so happy when, about 8 years ago, I found a lovely little salon that was owned by a husband and wife team. It was a bit on the pricey side but I decided it was worth it, so it became my new place. Finally, I could walk out of a hairdressers without feeling bad that my very think hair had made the stylist run over and later for her next client; I didn’t feel embarrassed that no matter how much it was combed, there were still a million knots; I used to walk out and feel good about myself. Pretty soon, my sister and niece started going there.
Just before lockdown, I had my usual appointment but the atmosphere in the salon seemed different; there had been changes to the staff and the owner’s wife seemed really rude and snippy with the girls who worked there. I’d paid for my appointment before it had started, but when it had finished, the female owner shouted “She hasn’t paid!” across the salon, in front of all the other customers. She made a fuss at the till with the girl on reception and I felt like a criminal. That old hairdresser-anxiety started to creep in, and even after she’d realised her mistake (which she didn’t apologise for, she just huffed and walked away), I quietly skulked out of the salon full of that familiar shamed feeling that I thought I’d shaken off.
I went to my car and cried and vowed to never set foot in there again. I even left them a shitty review on their social media page.
Anyway, my sister and niece had continued to go there and after each treatment they had, I’d feel a pang of envy, wishing my hair could look as fabulous again. But I’m a stubborn woman. And I refused to go back on my word. Talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face.
A few months ago, my niece had a Brazilian Blowdry done at the salon. She has much thicker hair than me that’s usually more than difficult to tame - but the results astonished me. If my hair could look like hers, it might literally change my life (or make me feel a whole lot better about myself at the very least). Maybe I could go against my morals just this once?
I was anxious this morning, entering the salon. I’d decided I was going to keep my head down and not engage - I’d even taken a book to read as I knew it would be a really long appointment. I immediately started judging things - nobody took my coat straight away, the water was a touch too cold on my head, why wasn’t I offered a drink? Did the atmosphere seem a bit off…?
And then, she appeared.
The wife.
With a big smile on her face.
“Tea or coffee?” she asked, cheerfully. I was gobsmacked. She was happy and chatty and complimented my hair. She laughed with her colleagues and was polite when she answered the phone. She was kind and reassuring to a little boy having his first hair cut. I shook my head at myself. It hadn’t occurred to me that this poor woman, running a business (and working with her husband every day!), who I’d been judging for the past however-many-years, had probably just been having a shitty day the last time I saw her - as we all do. Because today, she was her usual self. Not that she should have to be anything other than herself, whatever form that takes. We shouldn’t have to put on a show for anyone - how many times are we told “be yourself” or “you’re perfect as you are”? - but in certain situations, that’s exactly what we expect people to do. I just wish I’d stopped her that day and asked her if she was ok….After all, there’d never been a problem before then, and thinking back, the salon had been really busy and hectic. Instead, I’d spent those years wishing I could go back in, but too stubborn to just do it. I relaxed into my appointment and left four hours later without having read a single page of my book.
I think the point of this post is to remind you:
a) we’re all human and we all have off days;
b) it's not always about you!!
c) you can change so much by simply asking “are you ok?”
d) holding a grudge usually only hurts you…
Anyway, what do you think of my hair??
Danielle x
ps: here's a bit of hair-related trivia that links to today's title... the phrase "keep your hair on" doesn't exist in Worcester (at least, it didn't when I lived there). Instead, they say "don't get yer hair off!" #random
Comments